This Just In…

I don’t trust anyone that uses the word ‘manifesto’.

This Just In…

Scare Tactics is back for a new season with Tracy Morgan as host. Tracy Morgan? Does the Sci-Fi Channel not know that half the appeal of Scare Tactics was seeing mean tricks being played on people and then seeing Shannon Dougherty laughing like the bitch she is?

Leave the dog alone!

This Just In…

Laura Dern as Catherine Harris in HBO’s Recount has reawakened my primordial fear of clowns.

 

Can’t sleep, Catherine Harris will eat me.

This Just In…

My blog is not a gay pick-up joint… or… is it?

Poorly Chosen Usernames, Take 3

Courtesy of Jake Milkshake, from a gay Boston dating site:

Either he’s really full of himself or he just can’t catch a break in his city – Boston, STOP!

I’m cold and lonely, Boston hurts me.

Poorly Chosen Usernames, Take 2

Die to live, or Diet Olive? It’s a Weight Watchers breakthrough!

And Now For a New Series: Poorly Chosen Usernames

 

Gives a whole new meaning to Poppin’ A Smurf.

“He chose… poorly” – Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

The Gay Agenda

7:45 AM – Find underwear, put on pants, stumble out of stranger’s house

 

7:48 AM – Struggle with lock on door, have stranger open

 

7:51 AM – Avoid eye contact with stranger

 

8:15 AM – Breakfast with fag hag, make fun of the way the guy you slept with last night couldn’t get it up, so you had to top

 

8:45 AM – Jog around park, check-out guy running his dog – cute butt

 

9:00 AM – Finally make it into work, spritz on extra cologne so not to smell like a brewery

 

11:00 AM – Light brunch with coworker, talk about the closet case on sixth floor

 

2:00 PM – Take a walk to sixth floor to check-out closet case’s ass

 

4:00 PM – Punch-out early to go to gym

 

6:00 PM – Finish with workout spending most of the time in the steam room, then the shower

 

7:00 PM – Return home for a light dinner of sonoma chicken salad

 

8:00 PM – Destroy cilivilization as known in Christian culture, work on plans to pervert youth, prepare planet for the anti-Christ

 

9:00 PM – Exfoliate face with $59 cream, do facial exercises for instant muscle facelift, watch The Bird Cage

 

11:00 PM – Bed

A New Gay Manifesto, or The New Rules of Faggotry

Rule #1 - I will not refer, nor allow anyone else to refer to me as a “boy” after the age of 21.

Rule #2 - I will not appear naked in any stage play, regardless of the reasoning that it is a metaphor for freedom – we all know that it’s just an excuse to get naked.

Rule #3 - Should I ever publish a book of any kind, its cover will not feature a man in any stage of undress.

Rule #4 - I shall never shriek the following words or phrases: girl, fabu, and what, in the butt, no carbos, work it, or fabulous.

Rule #5 - I shall never allow anyone to refer to the opposite of my sexuality as “normal”.

Rule #6 – I will never ditch my friends for a whore – if a frat boy can put bros before hoes, so can I.

Rule #7 - I will not judge someone based on their outward appearance alone.

Rule #8 - I will not adopt any tradition, affectation, lifestyle, way of speech or movement, or point-of-view simply because it happens to be popular at the time.